What is it with me and writing controversial stories? LOL. I posted this story last night, and two people not only disagree with it, but vehemently disagree with it. And ya know, cool, cause I enjoy a debate. And it's also kind of awesome to get comments that aren't just "liked it" (which isn't to say I don't like those comments as well). People tend to shy away from disagreeing in public with an author, they're more likely to just not comment at all.

However, it does point out a problem that seems to consistently happen with me in this fandom, and that is people not really knowing where I'm coming from. The story is about Lex and Clark and the inevitable rift, wherein Lex blames Clark, Clark feels guilty, and it's told from Clark's POV. Since it is told in Clark's pov, I don't get to be objective. I don't get to show Lex's inner thoughts or postulate about his warring emotions. I don't get to pull back and narrate about how they're BOTH wrong, both right, and both idiots. LOL.

So when Lex blames Clark, and Clark feels guilty about it, and that's all you see me having written, some people come away with the thought that I think Clark is to blame and Lex is the innocent. When really, what it is, is that I think Lex WOULD verbally blame Clark. Because of the point of view, I don't get to show that he blames himself as well, that he's saying this with the express purpose of hurting Clark, that he's being vindictive one final time before shutting the door on the friendship. And, also because of the point of view, while Clark feels guilty, and does let Lex manipulate him into feeling perhaps overly so, I don't get to show that yes, it partially IS his fault, but no... it's not ALL his fault. Because I'm coming at it from Clark's pov, and he has a MASSIVE guilty complex.



Yes. I do blame Clark. There are things he has done wrong. There are even things I feel are unforgivable. Shattered/Asylum for one. Memoria for two. The way he only ever comes to Lex's house when he wants something. The way he ends and starts a conversation with "Lex, I need a favor" more often than not. Clark has an apparent inability to accept responsibility for his actions... which, yes, is in keeping with his age. Even though he doesn't have a lot of choices, even though he is RIGHT to not tell his secret, he does need to accept that his lies, however necessary they are, his actions, they have consequences. He IS responsible for those, even if he was FORCED into making those decisions, even if he's not at FAULT for having to make them. He IS responsible.

If you are the head of an army, and you fight a war, and an innocent civilian dies because they got in the way of the bomb you were dropping on the most dangerous man on the opposing side... Is that your fault? Maybe not. But you ARE responsible for it.


And yes, I do think Clark is partially to blame for Lex's eventual downfall. I'm sorry, people, but this is how this particular show at this particular time is writing it. Look at it from Lex's point of view, and what you have is yet another person lying to him, repeatedly, over and over. What you have is someone who he thought could be the one person who actually loved him and STAYED, the one relationship to not be tarnished, constantly casting blaming eyes in his direction, even when he HASN'T done anything wrong. What you have is someone that, for whatever (valid, yes, it is valid) reason, doesn't trust him with his secrets. And Lex, honestly, can't be blamed when that pisses him off. Would me too. He's done a lot for Clark (and yes, against him as well) and Clark doesn't seem to remember that.

But do I think it's Clark's fault? No. No, no, and again no. Lex has had a lifetime of hurt that's lead him to this moment. A mother who died to early, a brother who was killed by his mother to protect Lex. A father who's love for him, if it's even there, is severely twisted and skewed and fucked up. His mother's helper (Pamela?) who loved him like a mother, whom he loved like a mother, who abandoned him (only to find out later that she did it because Lionel bribed her). Hurt after hurt after hurt after hurt. And I can't help but think that Lex would have been okay if he'd never met Clark. If he'd gone on to become hardened and bitter without this beacon of light and good that Clark represented. And that doesn't mean it's Clark's fault, it just means that whole thing of "I didn't know what I was missing till I had it." And then, Clark took it away.

Point being that, if Clark were the first person (or, even just one of a few, instead of the many) to hurt (intentionally or not) Lex, this would not push him over the edge. That Clark is the latest, and most painful? Yes. Yes, I do believe that Clark is that proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

But. And here's where the confusion comes in sometimes. Do I think Lex would blame Clark? Yes. At least verbally. Inside, in his head, he may know that he's being ridiculous to blame Clark. In the back of his head he may know he's being unfair. But do I think he'd throw Clark's downfalls in his face? Absolutely. I fully believe Lex can be a catty, vindictive bitch when he wants to be. And that's what that fic was. Him manipulating Clark, blaming Clark for the sole purpose of making Clark feel bad, to make Clark hurt. Regardless of whether or not he believes Clark is solely at fault, regardless of whether he's aware of his OWN hypocrisy... I think that's what he would do.

But, being that I told it from Clark's pov, it's kind of hard to convey that. I just had to infer it, and hope it was read that way. Which, apparently, to some it wasn't.. LOL. Oh well. I can only do my best.

And I gotta say? When the commercial for Smallville came on and said "what you've been waiting to see" and then immediately jumpcut to Lex hitting Clark? They were right on the money as far as I was concerned. I've been WAITING for Lex to get fed up with Clark's propensity to be sanctimonious (I blame that on Jonathon, the king on how to be sanctimonious and wrong at the same time [ though I adore him to bits, my little Jonathon] ) and just fuckin' let him have it. LOL.

Because that's part of the hypocrisy of Clark. He sees things so black and white, except when it comes to himself. He has this "but it's not my fault" mentality. And when Lex does something untoward, when anyone does something not completely right, Clark's so "disappointed." So "betrayed." So "let down." Except, he fucks up too, damnit. But, ya know, that's completely plausible, and it reads very true to me because he is only 17 or 18, so that probably is exactly how he'd act/feel about it.

I'm just tired of Lex being hurt by Clark's judgementalism and sitting there and just... taking it. I want his balls back. The way he is with Lionel. Come on, Lex. Grow a pair back and tell him the fuck off! He kind of got there last season, started saying things Clark wasn't ready to hear... Like in Jinx about Lana. But I want more.